


Balance

by Jimaine



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Autistic Thanatos, Emotional Sex, First Time, First time Thanatos, Lots of kissing, M/M, Making Out, Soft Boys, Temperature Play, Wholesome, Zagreus just really enjoys not being boiling hot for once, and Thanatos likes being warm, but not really, missing scene from cannon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:07:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jimaine/pseuds/Jimaine
Summary: Zagreus and Thanatos have always been very different people, though that's never stopped them from caring deeply for one another - if anything they've always complemented one another. Now somehow after all these years they've realized the true depth of their feelings. Night and day, hot and cold, life and death, they've truly found one another, found their balance.Or at least, they thought they had...Spoilers for Thanatos's codex entry and relationship path.
Relationships: Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	Balance

**Author's Note:**

> As an autistic person married to someone who is mostly neurotypical this pairing speaks to me on a very deep level. I know it won't appeal to everyone who reads it, but I hope it will to some. I love you all, enjoy.
> 
> Super big shout out to my betas Thren and Everydaybella. You two are the most amazing friends. Love you both.
> 
> Additional Note:  
> I originally had this fic with tags referencing the poor labeling of dopamine deficiency as "ADHD", but that has caused some confusion so I am moving that to notes instead where there's more room to clarify. ADD/ADHD was originally named based on frequent traits that were considered the most annoying by neurotypical individuals. I prefer the term Dopamine Deficiency since that describes the actual root issue of the condition, and doesn't fall into the trap of presenting it though the lens of people who want behaviors they don't like in others to just go away without having to make an effort to understand or help. Calling it Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder reduces a significant brain chemical imbalance to subjectively negative behaviors, which is pretty crushing when you're getting defined by it day in and day out. Changing these terms will go a long way in bolstering understanding and support of neurodivergent individuals.

The soft way Thanatos giggled when he kissed him had Zagreus's heart fluttering. He pushed up, kissing him again, his hand coming up to tangle in that silky, silver hair. Thanatos sighed and Zagreus nuzzled under his jaw. Pushing back his cowle he let his fingers slide through that soft hair again and quickly pulled Thanatos back into another kiss. It got him another of those happy, nervous giggles as Thanatos's hands came up to explore his chest. It sparked a fire in Zagreus and he pulled Thanatos into him, his hands finding their way to the belt holding his chiton in place. His heart was in his throat as he quickly started pulling it free. This was it, he'd been thinking about this moment for so long now. He yanked Thanatos down into a kiss just as his fingers found the edge of his belt.

"W-wait…" Thanatos flinched, pulling back. "Zag wait."

Well that was short lived. Zagreus couldn’t hide his disappointment. Finally kissing Thanatos had been… well it had been a rare highlight in the endless cycle of escape attempts his life had now become. "What is it, Than?"

"I-" he got that overwhelmed look in his eyes and for a moment Zagreus was afraid he'd poof away. 

But then he saw Thanatos take a breath. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again he looked up and Zagerus held that golden gaze. He could see how hard he was thinking, probably trying to decide himself if he was going to run away.

Letting out a sharp breath, Thanatos looked away, grimacing. "I'm not… comfortable."

It was all he said, but Zagreus took his words in stride, knowing if he could have made himself form more, he would have. "Okay," he started gently. "How can I make you more comfortable?"

"I don't-" Thanatos shook his head, the frustration radiating off of him "I don't know."

"Do you want me to stop kissing you?" He got an immediate shake of his head but Thanatos continued to divert his eyes from him. Not a good sign. Zagreus had rather liked that he got to look Thanatos head on so much now. Taking a telegraphed step forward he reached up, brushing Thanatos's cheek with his knuckles, making a golden flush spring across his skin. Zagreus leaned in and kissed him slowly, using an arm around Thanatos's waist to pull them together.

Thanatos gave him a soft sigh, his arms coming up to wrap around Zagreus and he melted. "This is the first time... I've done something like this," he managed and Zagreus pulled back, careful to keep the stunned shock off his face.

"You've not?"

Thanatos shook his head looking down again. "Believe it or not, it's never been a priority. My work takes all of my time. I've always felt romance could wait."

"Do you… still feel that way?" he asked nervously.

Without looking up Thanatos shook his head. "But… I had not considered that, when that time did come, my lack of experience would leave me ill prepared and thus… uncomfortable."

Nodding Zagreus took a step back, quickly appraising his quarters as Thanatos stood next to him, head hung, a scowl on his face. His heart told him he should ask Thanatos what would help, or maybe provide him with options. But he'd already done that once and he knew from experience that when Thanatos started shutting down, choices could be overwhelming. Zagreus had done it in the past for him, made choices based on what he knew Thanatos liked or didn't when he was overwhelmed. It had been when they were younger, before work kept Thanatos too busy and they drifted apart. But he  _ had _ succeeded in helping Thanatos recenter that way. It seemed worth a shot. 

Biting his lip Zagreus glanced around again. He could do this, he knew Thanatos extremely well, better than almost anyone, he should think, he could figure out what he needed. Looking at his bed it hit him and he reached out, taking Thanatos's hand. "Come on." He'd told him once he didn't like feeling exposed, so putting his back to something might help.

Thanatos, for his part, offered nothing more than a startled 'ah' of confusion as he followed Zagreus to his bed.

"Here, lay down." The sideways look Thanatos gave him almost had Zagreus rolling his eyes. But in his experience Thanatos responded better to support and encouragement than he did teasing. Instead he reached up, brushing his fingers to Thanatos's cheek again and got a soft gasp for his effort. Zagreus turned his body in, bringing his hand to the small of Thanatos's back to pull them even closer. As Zagreus nuzzled into the side of his cheek Thanatos  _ melted _ . "I'll take care of you Than, you have my word."

Thanatos nodded shakily against him and for a moment he just stood there, letting himself be held. 

Zagreus kissed him and felt Thanatos wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him closer still. "Lie down," he asked again, pushing up on his toes to press a kiss to that dark brow. "All you have to do is relax. I'll take care of the rest."

"I..."

"Let me take care of you Than, please?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Thanatos nodded slowly and Zagreus let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

When they pulled back Thanatos still wouldn't meet his eyes but he wasn't averting his gaze as much as he had been. Zagreus took that as a good sign. Thanatos looked over at the bed and after only a short hesitation he lowered himself onto the center of the plush mattress in a seated position. Zagreus seated himself on the edge sideways, pulling one leg up into his lap. The glow from his upturned foot seemed to catch Thanatos's attention, his eyes immediately snapping to it. Wrapping an arm around Thanatos's waist he pulled him against his side, resting their heads together. Thanatos's attention stayed locked on Zagreus's foot and Zagreus tucked an errant piece of silver hair behind one of his ears. "My foot really that fascinating?" he asked.

"Yes," Thanatos nodded, then finally looked up. "And no," he added as well.

"How very clear of you," Zagreus said with a laugh. Thanatos didn't make a sound and his eyes went back to starting at Zagreus's foot.

"I'm sorry Zag, this is… I... perhaps I shouldn't have come."

Zagreus's hand shot out so fast he was sure the speed would have impressed even Lord Hermes. "No! Than, please, don't disappear." His fingers gripped tightly to the delicate skin of Thanatos's wrist and he didn't move, nor did he vanish. "I… please, let me try to make you comfortable. If you don't like what I do, I'll stop. But please, allow me the opportunity to try?"

There was a moment where their eyes actually met and Thanatos held his gaze. It was over quickly but the single nod he finally gave filled Zagreus with relief. He knew how difficult new things were for him, knew that it was fifty-fifty whether or not he would vanish when faced with a situation he wasn't prepared for, and that if Zagreus didn't help him stay relaxed this would never happen, no matter how much they both wanted it to. But—reaching out Zagreus took Thanatos's hand, bringing it to his lips—the fact that Thanatos was able to tell him he was uncomfortable rather than running away from it, that was a big step.

Cupping Thanatos's cheek, Zagreus pulled him around. When their lips met, Zagreus felt more than heard his soft sigh. They pressed together again and again, just like they'd been before Thanatos's confession. If all they got out of this was a messy make-out session Zagreus was okay with that. More than okay with that. He'd meant it, when he told Thanatos he'd wait for him, that extended to taking this as slow as he needed him to. And kissing Thanatos was  _ not _ a consolation prize. He'd take it slow, do his best to make sure Thanatos was comfortable and if kissing was where it stopped, that's where it stopped.

He moved lower, kissing the corner of Thanatos's mouth… along his cheek… to the perfect slope of his jaw... Zagreus ran his fingers down the line of Thanatos's neck and delighted in the way it made him shiver. His lips moved to follow that path and Thanatos lifted his chin, giving him more access. With every press of his lips Zagreus felt Thanatos shudder.

His fingers ran down the black and gold gorget around his neck and he pushed up, kissing just behind Thanatos's ear. "Is it alright if I take this off?" he asked softly. Thanatos nodded and Zagreus's fingers moved to the clasp, removing it deftly. He set it aside on the floor and went immediately back to kissing him. His fingers fiddled with the little clasp of his cloak, letting that too fall away, sliding to the floor.

Gently pushing Thanatos down on his bed Zagreus glanced up to check in with him but Thanatos didn't look upset, just nervous. His hands went to Thanatos's belt again, though rather than a hurried frenzy he took his time, slowly working it loose. "Than?" he asked, and got a nod but no words. Zagreus was especially careful when he unwrapped the fabric from Thanatos's waist, gently setting it beside them. Coming back his hand glided up the dark chiton without removing it. There was a tremor in his muscles when Zagreus's touch grazed his stomach, but nothing else.

Zagreus's fingers gripped the soft wool and slowly pulled, revealing more of that dark skin.

He was so beautiful.

Zagreus pushed forward, pressing kisses to Thanatos's neck. Reaching up he took his hand where it lay on the pillows, the feel of his cool skin soothing the burn Zagreus always felt. Even when he'd been a child he'd used to seek Thanatos out to sit in his lap and cool off. He hadn't understood then what the sudden and insistent physical contact had to have done to him. But in his defence, Thanatos never pushed him off or poofed away, and he'd seen him run for far less. Twining their fingers, Zagreus kissed his way back to Thanatos's lips, a soft sigh escaping him. Kissing Thanatos was… hard to describe. There was a brightness? He honestly didn't know how to explain it but everytime their lips met he felt it bloom in his chest, like there was a kind of resonance between them and he wanted to melt into it.

Pressing one knee between Thanatos's legs he shifted over top of him, careful not to put any of his weight down. Those golden eyes fluttered open, looking up at him so adoringly it froze him.

He  _ had _ to move, had to kiss him. Cupping Thanatos's cheek with his other hand he tilted him up into a desperate kiss that Thanatos matched.

A cold touch brushed his hip and Zagreus sighed into Thanatos's lips. He felt that hand pull him down to rest comfortably on top of him as they kissed again and again. Zagreus pressed against him, moving his thigh up, and Thanatos rocked with him. He felt a tug in his hand as Thanatos pulled free to run his fingers along Zagreus's back instead. Zagreus pushed into it, the feeling of those cold hands with that strange resonance making him feel he might melt. Pulling at his chiton Thanatos made a quiet whine Zagreus  _ almost _ missed. He was glad he didn't.

"Would you like me to take it off?" he asked breathlessly and Thanatos nodded.

Pushing back on his knees Zagreus's hands went to his belt, pulling it off quickly and tossing it aside. The red chiton came next and he threw it on top of the belt. Scrubbing a hand through his spiky black hair he looked down at Thanatos smiling. "Better?" He got a nod and one hand reached out for his. Zagreus took it and kissed the fingers before Thanatos pulled and he let himself fall on top of him. They were kissing again a moment later and the cooling feel of Thanatos's skin on his had Zagreus moaning softly. 

Thanatos's hands were all over him. He felt fingers glide along his chest, feeling their way down his ribs. His other hand found its way into Zagreus's hair, gripping tightly as they kissed over and over again. Zagreus felt him push into their kissing, felt him press against his hip.

Zagreus somehow managed to pull away from his lips,  _ how _ he wasn't entirely sure but it might have been the hope for something more. He kissed down Thanatos's jaw, found his way to that elegant neck and sucked a spot against his collarbone that had him purring. Reaching down he grabbed Thanatos's hip and tilted him up to better press together.

A full body shudder rippled through him as Zagreus kissed lower and lower, finding a beautiful trail to follow down his chest. Thanatos arched into his mouth as he sucked a path along his ribs. Long fingers tickled at the edges of his hair, as if asking permission. Zagreus pushed into the touch, feeling the palm of Thanatos's hands cup the back of his head. Lowering himself again he nipped at Thanatos's stomach, his hands reaching under to push him closer to his tongue. A soft groan escaped him and Zagreus  _ adored _ the sound.  _ The more the better Than. Let's see what other beautiful noises you make _ . Kissing a line along Thanatos's hip he glanced up to see those golden eyes watching intently. Zagreus grinned but Thanatos looked away, prompting Zagreus to do the same so as not to make him feel singled out. He rubbed his thumb against Thanatos's hip, kissing just above where his pants lay on his waist.

"Shall I?" He asked, glancing briefly down to indicate clearly what he meant. He got a nod and Zagreus's grin widened. He took his time, slowly inching the soft fabric off his hips. Pushing off the bed he pulled them completely free and tossed them to the side carelessly.

When he turned back he kept his eyes down, knowing Thanatos would feel exposed. Inching his way slowly back on the bed he put his hand first to Thanatos's knee, then slid it all the way up to his hip. Those beautiful legs parted and Zagreus graciously slipped between them, pushing up to capture Thanatos's lips in a kiss. Cupping his cheek he tilted him into his mouth while his other hand stroked Thanatos's hip. "This might make you self conscious, and I'm sorry about that Than," he whispered. "But do you have any idea how breathtaking you are?" He looked up just in time to catch that golden flush and a hint of a smile as those eyes darted to the side. Second question, did he have any idea how cute he was? Considering the flush from the first observation probably not.

When Thanatos pushed up a second later, initiating a kiss, Zagreus was properly surprised. But he melted into it and Thanatos's fingers wove their way into his hair. They fell back into bed together, Zagreus in the perfect position to put pressure on the  _ best _ places. Thanatos arched back from their kiss, gasping softly, the sound echoing beautifully in the otherwise quiet room. Tilting forward he nipped at Zagreus's ear, nibbling until he gasped, pressing his hips forward.

"You too," he whispered softly, tugging at Zagreus's pants.

"Only too happy too," he said with a grin, and pushed off the bed. Noticing how Thanatos's eyes were glued to him he slowed down, taking his time so he could watch the way Thanatos observed him. There was always something happening behind those analytical eyes and Zagreus wondered if, with enough observation himself, he could figure out what that was.  _ Maybe someday, Than, you'll let me into that world of yours. _

Hooking his thumbs into the waistband he pulled the bright red fabric off his hips, letting it fall to the ground. Thanatos looked at him with a want Zagreus had never seen in him and it turned his knees to jelly. 

"Come here?" Thanatos asked, sitting up to reach out to him. Zagreus, who was about to collapse anyway, took his hand and let himself be pulled back into bed with him. They tumbled down in a tangle of limbs and kisses. Zagreus slipped between his legs again and Thanatos gasped, cupping his face with both hands, kissing him deeply.

Pulling back to break their kiss Zagreus heard a soft whine and leaned in, nuzzling against Thanatos's cheek in apology. "Did you want more?" he asked gently.

Thanatos wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling himself in to the crook of Zagreus's shoulder before he nodded. Zagreus turned in to kiss his brow before pushing in for another on his mouth. He couldn't help but linger, slowly nuzzling into the side of Thanatos's face, but finally placed one last kiss to those soft lips before he started downward.

He followed a similar path as before, taking extra time to kiss Thanatos's stomach, eliciting small shivers with every one he placed. Moving lower he pressed kisses to Thanatos's thighs, making him tremble even more. As he moved his way inward Thanatos arched up.

He took one more moment to look up, to see Thanatos arch back with anticipation, to know, with no question this was something he wanted. Those eyes flicked down, meeting his and Zagreus pressed a kiss to the inside line of his hip. With a sigh Thanatos nodded, closing his eyes.

Zagreus took him into his mouth and watched him fall apart. His hand jerked into Zagreus's hair as his back arched off the bed and his breath stuttered on the most beautiful moan. The sound quickly turned into his name as Zagreus started moving on him.

" _ Z-Zagreus _ !" Those fingers tightened and this time Zagreus moaned.

Thanatos shot off the bed as he arched into his mouth, the low groan he made so unbelievably sexy. He pressed his tongue against him and pulled back, licking his way up to the tip.

"Z-Zag…" he heard again and quickly swallowed him.

Thanatos's moans were the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard. Everyone was soft and earnest and  _ so sexy _ . Those long fingers pulled at his hair as more quiet pleas fell from his lips. His hips kept arching up and Zagreus gladly let him thrust into his mouth. 

It felt so good… which… was strange? Zagreus moaned again, the vibrations shooting through him… no, through  _ Thanatos _ . He could feel it building inside of him… how was he this turned on already? Thanatos was beautiful and a dream come true to actually be touching him but it almost felt like  _ he  _ was getting the blow job. He already felt like he was getting close. Zagreus had to pull back and tell  _ himself _ to relax.

Thanatos gasped on the bedsheets, his fingers still gripping his hair. Hooking one of his legs over his shoulder Zagreus dove down again and felt that leg tense as Thanatos moaned.  _ There's more of those beautiful noises _ , Zagreus thought gleefully.  _ I knew you had it in you. _ He swallowed him over and over again until Thanatos was a shaking mess and Zagreus felt like he was about to explode. Finally pulling off of him he panted against Thanatos's hip. He felt those fingers card through his hair and pushed up into the persistent touch.

"Would you like to try more, love?"

Thanatos looked away, a litany of thought flashing behind his eyes, and Zagreus waited. He entertained himself by pressing slow kisses into the top of Thanatos's thigh, still loving the little trembles they elicited. Finally Thanatos arched back, pulling a hand through his hair only to let it fall beside him on the pillows. Falling back down he nodded.

"Reach under the pillow," he directed, this time pressing a kiss to the inside of his thigh. The way it made Thanatos tremble was incredibly sexy. So much so Zagreus did it again.

Pushing himself up on an elbow Thanatos pressed the little vial toward him. Unhooking his arm from under Thanatos's thigh he took it with a nod of thanks. A second later he rethought and pushed up, giving Thanatos a kiss before he could lay back down. A cool hand cupped the back of his neck as Thanatos leaned into it.

Zagreus kissed him until there was no breath in him and he had to pull back. Nuzzling Thanatos cheek he loved the way those cold fingers traced the side of his face. One more kiss and he lowered himself again, giving kisses to Thanatos's stomach until he fell back on the bed again. Lifting Thanatos's leg he rested his thigh over his shoulder again and pushed his other thigh out, giving himself a perfect view. Pressing a kiss to Thanatos's hip he opened the vial and poured the sweet smelling oil over his fingers.

Starting slow he rubbed it over Thanatos's ass making him shudder. Zagreus gently pushed in a finger and Thanatos arched off the bed. Tossing his head back he made a soft moaning sound. Zagreus leaned in, kissing the thigh on his shoulder and it made Thanatos shudder. "Do you like it?" He asked, curving his finger. Thanatos's body  _ jolted _ and he moaned loudly, his hips lifting all the way off the bed.  _ Must have found it _ .

Thanatos nodded repeatedly before flopping back to the bed.

Pressing kisses to the inside of that dark thigh Zagreus started moving his finger back and forth and Thanatos came apart.

One hand shot back to clutch in his silver hair. The other gripped tightly to the sheets as his back arched off the bed. The leg over Zagreus's shoulder constricted and the heel of Thanatos's foot dug into his back. He was a mess of soft moans and sharp gasps and every sound urged Zagreus further.

Pulling away he drizzled more oil onto his fingers and he was right back, this time pushing two inside of him. Thanatos's breath caught and his hand twisted in the bedding. He was beautiful.

Zagreus dipped lower, taking Thanatos back into his mouth and the resulting moan was music. He pulled Thanatos open, let him grind down on his fingers only to thrust up into his mouth.

Zagreus pulled back again, using his fingers to spread the oil even further. Dipping lower with his mouth he pressed kisses to the intimate crease between Thanatos's thighs. He could taste the oil as he moved in, wished he'd thought to do this before getting it all over but he wasn't going to complain now. Sliding his fingers deeper inside he pulled him open to run his tongue over him and Thanatos's whole body went rigid. At first Zagreus took that as a good sign but as he kept going Thanatos didn't relax and he registered the strain to his muscles wasn't from pleasure.

Pulling back Zagreus positioned himself over Thanatos, his fingers still buried up to his knuckles, and rethought his actions. Thanatos had taken his hand out of his hair, instead throwing it over his eyes, his face turned away.

As he pulled his fingers back Thanatos shuddered but didn't otherwise move. No, he'd definitely pushed him too far… he wanted to ask, but was afraid doing so would just shut him down even further. He could stop, suggest they just try again another time, he'd be _more_ than happy with that outcome. But there was the very real possibility that would make Thanatos feel defeated.

Maybe he'd taken  _ too _ much control. Thanatos did like to be in charge, was typically very good at it. Maybe Zagreus just needed to limit his options but also give him control?

He could see the way Thanatos was shuddering, could see the overwhelmed look in his eyes as he pulled his hand away and Zagreus decided he needed to change tactics.

Rolling to the side he grabbed Thanatos's hips taking the startled God with him. Rolling all the way to his back he ended up deliciously trapped under Thanatos's thighs and quickly decided this was his favorite place in any realm to be. But as soon as Zagreus settled Thanatos jolted, likely from the sudden change in position.  _ No, no no. _ He just kept making this worse!

Quickly putting his hands to Thanatos's hips, Zagreus tried to soothe him. "I thought you might like having some control." He risked looking up into those golden eyes and to his delight, Thanatos didn't look away when their gaze met. He did look terrified though which was actually far more concerning. "Than? Are you alright?" He couldn't stop himself from asking, he needed to check in. Even if it wasn't helpful to Thanatos  _ he _ needed to know.

He got a shaky nod but Thanatos didn't move. 

Sitting up Zagreus brought his hands to Thanatos's neck, pulling him into a gentle kiss. It took a minute but Thanatos brought his hands up too, touching Zagreus's shoulder… cupping the back of his head… deepening the kiss until the soft tremors running down Thanatos's thighs subsided.

Zagreus told himself,  _ take it slowly _ . It was important this go smoothly. Because if it did then Thanatos would have nothing but warm, pleasent memories whenever he thought about having sex with him which meant he would be a little less nervous the  _ next _ time they had sex and the time after and the time after until he got him comfortable with the whole experience and it was nothing but good. But it meant he couldn't mess it up now. "We can stop?" he couldn't help himself from suggesting. But Thanatos hastily shook his head and leaned in for another kiss… but even as Thanatos sought his lips, Zagreus caught a glimpse of an uneasy crease at his forehead. 

It brought back a conversation from long ago, when he and Thanatos had been much younger. Thanatos had made  _ just _ that face, that faint furrow to his brow, that slightest of winces, as he paused whatever ridiculous game they'd been playing at the time to discuss their options. 

Zagreus had been mad at the delay. The impatient child he had been had thrown a tantrum, and yelled at Thanatos for being too bossy.

_ "I strive to be in control so often,” _ Thanatos had calmly replied,  _ “because it gives me the ability to plan, and I find that having a plan allows me to relax. It helps me to worry less about doing or saying the wrong thing." _

It was a moment Zagreus had never forgotten. It was the moment he had realized that he didn't know the struggles of others, and that acting rashly could cause those around him pain. He didn't want to cause anyone he cared for pain, but especially not Thanatos. He didn't always stop long enough to think about his actions, but that conversation with Thanatos was the reason he tried.

Why he tried again, now. 

"It's more than that, isn't it," he said frowning. Reaching up he brushed his fingers across Thanatos's cheek. "I need to tell you what I'm doing before I do it, don’t I?"

Thanatos looked up with a startled expression, gold eyes boring into his soul. There was a second of hesitation, a moment where Thanatos froze and Zagreus wasn't sure if he'd ruined it or fixed it, like a scale that hadn’t yet decided which way to tip…

It happened in a snap. Thanatos heaved out a relieved breath and collapsed against Zagreus, nodding. Cold arms wrapped around his shoulders as he buried his head in his neck, still nodding.

"Alright," he said gently, running his hands up and down Thanatos's back. He almost asked if Thanatos wanted to continue, but he'd made it more than clear time and time again that  _ yes _ , he very much did. Zagreus needed to take a breath, stop second guessing Thanatos, and use his words.

Which was exactly what he did. Running his fingers gently through that silver hair he spoke quietly. Zagreus took his time to describe what he'd had in mind, waiting until Thanatos nodded, seeming more relaxed than he'd been at any point.

"I'm going to lay back now," he said softly, kissing the top of Thanatos's ear. "I'll wait until you're ready." Zagreus tilted his chin into one more kiss before he did just that, getting comfortable on the pillows.

Thanatos reached out and Zagreus felt those cold fingers glide along his chest. He shuddered and moaned, feeling himself slick against Thanatos's ass and reached up, putting his hands on those sexy hips. He pushed into the cold trails left by those hands. Shuddering again he wondered idly if Thanatos felt the same way about his warmth? Thanatos scooted forward, lifting up and Zagreus told himself to keep still.

One cold hand held Thanatos's weight above him as he bent forward, kissing Zagreus breathless. Pulling back, Thanatos gasped, resting on Zagreus's forhead. Then he reached back and Zagreus felt that chilled touch guiding him in.

He wasn't prepared for the lack of warmth. He knew he should have been. Thanatos's cold skin had always felt like a luxury against his obnoxiously overheated body and when he felt Thanatos's ass on his thighs his eyes rolled back in his head. Zagreus's hands tightened on his hips and he held in a moan, not sure if it would startle him or not. The last thing he wanted was for him to disappear when they were like this. He was still pretty sure he made a strained  _ 'hyng' _ noise, but Thanatos didn't seem bothered.

When Zagreus finally forced his eyes open Thanatos took his breath away; arched back over his body, that short silver hair falling artfully around his neck. All Zagreus wanted to do was remember this moment for the rest of eternity. He'd never seen anything so beautiful. "T-Than…"

Thanatos rocked on him and gasped loudly, his fingers digging into Zagreus's chest.

" _ Than! _ " he moaned again, still trying not to move. He wanted Thanatos to set the pace, but for that to work Thanatos actually had to  _ do _ something. Being inside of him without thrusting was the most delicious torture Zagreus had ever felt.

Zagreus gripped harder on his hips, biting his lip to keep from moving. Sliding one hand down he grabbed Thanatos's thigh, squeezing tightly.

"Z-Zag…" he gasped. "Zagreus… I want to kiss you."

It took a moment for the words to penetrate his fog filled mind but when they did, Zagreus nodded, pushing himself up to cup Thanatos on the back of the neck, pulling him into a kiss. "That better?" he asked between kisses and got a nod. He also got Thanatos wrapping his arms around his shoulders and tilting his head to deepen their kissing. Zagreus was pretty sure he could kiss Thanatos all day, or night… or both.

"So warm," Thanatos gasped and Zagreus noticed the flush radiating from his chest, giving his skin the most beautiful golden hue. "I've never…" he gasped again, shaking. "I've never felt warm like this…"

Zagreus wrapped his arms around him, pulling them even closer as they started kissing again. "I've more than enough to go around," he gasped, pulling Thanatos's legs around his waist. 

Thanatos melted, sinking down on him before moving his hips in a long, slow, roll. Zagreus pulled his legs up to cross them under Thanatos who clung to his shoulders. As they moved together his whole body took on that golden hue. It was beautiful and passionate and Zagreus couldn't stop kissing him. The soft little gasps, the feel of Thanatos's arms around him, his legs around him… the feel of their bodies joined together… it was everything and it was building and Zagreus was pulled in by it.

He ran his fingers up that dark skin, Thanatos was so beautiful. Zagreus squeezed tightly, the tips of his fingers pressing into him. How did he get to have this, he wondered as he pressed up to kiss Thanatos over and over again. How had he loved this person for so long and not even realized it? Was he distracted? Had he not been paying attention? Because it was so obvious.  _ They belonged together. _

Thanatos rocked back on him and gasped, making this sexy little puffing sound. Zagreus  _ loved  _ it. "You feel amazing…" he gasped.

He felt a cold hand on his ribs and shuddered as Thanatos's fingers explored him. He couldn't help but pick up his pace, holding Thanatos around the waist to keep him in his lap. He pushed up with more force, trying to get himself deeper. Everytime he managed to angle himself just right and slide even further inside, Thanatos made another of those  _ amazing _ sounds. Zagreus very much enjoyed them. He enjoyed them  _ so _ well in fact he had to stop doing it and make himself calm down. 

But he kept up his pace and when he looked up, Thanatos was falling apart on top of him. He was trying to meet Zagreus's eyes but his gaze kept falling down as he moaned again and again. His body was shaking and his fingers gripped tightly to Zagreus's neck and shoulders. He'd never seen Thanatos so undone, so disheveled. The way his sweat soaked hair clung to his face was especially artful.

Pulling Thanatos forward Zagreus pressed kisses to his neck and collarbone. He moaned softly, rocking forward in Zagreus's lap.

Thanatos picked up his hips faster and Zagreus forgot to breathe. It was so overwhelming… the way they rocked together… the amount of Thanatos's body he could feel pressed against him… the soothing way his cool skin felt on his own… "Than…  _ Than _ ..." Any more words were swallowed when Thanatos sealed their lips together again.

How long had he wanted Thanatos? How long had he felt more for him than friendship? How long could they have been doing this if they just  _ talked _ !

That same resonance echoed through him and he couldn't help but wonder if Thanatos felt it too. " _ Than… _ " Zagreus rocked up holding him close in his lap. They couldn't seem to stop kissing. Zagreus didn't mind. Thanatos's lips were a work of art.  _ All _ of Thanatos was a work of art.

He started picking up his pace again, once more tilting Thanatos in his lap, trying to get deeper. Thanatos arched back, gripping tightly to his shoulders. His legs tightened around him and he felt his cold heels dig into the small of his back.

Zagreus arched, thrusting harder but no matter how tightly he held Thanatos's hips he couldn't get as deep as he wanted. And he  _ wanted _ , he wanted those sounds so badly. "Than… Than?" he asked, gasping into his neck. He got a moan in response that could have been a yes. "I want… I want to flip us over…" Thanatos made several noises that might have been the attempt at words but finally just nodded.

Zagreus pushed up, grabbing Thanatos's hips and rolled them over. Yanking a pillow down he pushed it under Thanatos's hips, lifting him up. Zagreus drove into him  _ immediately _ getting that rich,  _ sexy _ sound. His answering moan was long and loud as he thrust himself into Thanatos over and over again. Strong arms quickly wrapped around him and cool hands clung to his back. A low moan in his ear sent a tremor down his spine.

"Z-Zag…" There was a strain in his voice as he moaned his name and little pleading gasps every time Zagreus pushed all the way inside of him… his body strained and his hips snapped up meeting him every time.

Zagreus gasped, thrusting harder, wrapping his own arms under Thanatos, pulling him into a kiss. He felt a knee hook over his thigh, and Thanatos's fingers gripped him even tighter. It kept them close... it kept Thanatos's body against his and Zagreus chased that soothing cold.

Zagreus was overwhelmed. He could…  _ feel, so much _ . Things he didn't understand how he was feeling. That strange resonance between them, it... It was somehow amplifying...

Zagreus moaned loudly, snapping his hips forward even harder. He honestly wasn't sure how he'd managed to last this long. He'd been on the brink since they'd started.

He knew he should lift up, reach down and help Thanatos find his own release. But the way that cool skin felt pressed against his body was too good to pull away from. He told himself he would in a few minutes, he'd somehow managed to last this long, he could last a little longer, then he would. This felt so good and somehow it was feeling even better and  _ how _ ? How was he on the brink and yet somehow still getting closer? It didn't make any sense, but nothing about this had made sense from the moment they'd kissed. Whatever this strange energy was between them, he couldn't say he minded it, he just wished he knew what it was.

It felt so good, Thanatos felt so good. The way those fingers dug into his back, the way the hand in his hair pulled sharply… the soft way he moaned in Zagreus's ear… he could feel him, trapped between them, leaking and  _ so hard _ … it just kept pushing him higher and higher, closer and closer to the edge he'd already been on for far too long. But it was happening, he could feel himself being pulled over that precipice and nothing could bring him back.

Thanatos gasped, his fingers digging in deeper as he clutched Zagreus against him. "Z-Zag…  _ Zagreus! _ " He arched against him, pressing his face to the crook of Zagreus's neck as his mouth opened on a low moan. His whole body went tight. Zagreus curled Thanatos into his arms and felt him release against his stomach.

Groaning he tried to keep rocking, tried to make it last even a moment longer but the tension overtook him and he held Thanatos even tighter. That feeling, that energy, whatever it was, ripped through him, taking the breath out of his body, and the following orgasm rushed through him with such force for a half an instant Zagreus thought he was dying. He tried to speak, wanted to give some endearing platitude but his voice broke and the tension snapped and he was spilling himself into Thanatos's body with a loud shuddering moan. He felt kisses, registered that Thanatos's fingers had relaxed in his hair but it was several moments before he could return the favor and relax his grip too.

"Th-Than… that was amazing," he gasped. Zagreus felt Thanatos around him, felt his body beneath him, felt how they were still connected and his whole body shuddered. This was definitely something he could get used to and something he hoped Thanatos had enjoyed enough to want to get used to.

Fingers carded through his hair and Thanatos pressed kisses into his brow. He didn't ask Zagreus to move but he knew he should. With one more snuggle against that cold body he groaned and pushed himself up on his elbows. As soon as he opened his eyes he was gifted the image of Thanatos underneath him, looking completely blissed. "You look," leaning down he pressed a kiss to those perfectly formed lips. "Thoroughly fucked out," he said grinning.

Thanatos rolled his eyes, shoving at Zagreus's shoulder. Even as he looked to the side a smile formed on those lips and Zagreus's grin widened. He rolled to the side, finally getting off of him and grabbed a towel from the shelf behind his bed. Rolling back he did his best with the mess on Thanatos's stomach but kept getting distracted by looking up at him. "You are breathtakingly beautiful," he said, hastily wiping the towel over himself too before tossing it to the floor. A golden flush formed on his cheeks but Thanatos didn't respond to the compliment.

"I uh-" he started, sitting up. That shy smile was the most adorable thing Zagreus had ever seen, made even more so by the fact that they'd just had sex and Thanatos looked happy enough to burst. "I… should get back-"

"No," Zagreus cut in, probably surprising him.

"No?"

Zagreus shook his head and grabbed Thanatos's wrist to pull him back down on the bed beside him. "No, because we're not done yet."

Thanatos gave him a studied look that almost had Zagreus laughing. "We're not? As I understood it-"

Zagreus pushed him over and quieted Thanatos with a kiss. "We're not done because now we get to hold each other and go to sleep," and he pulled Thanatos into his arms.

"My brother is sleep," he started, though didn't pull away. "I've no need for it."

"You don't need to sleep, Than. You just need to hold me," he said quietly, already closing his eyes and settling in against the soothing feel of Thanatos's body. "Just for a little while?"

Thanatos nodded and finally curled in. "Zagreus?" He asked after a moment.

He only made a soft 'hmm?' in reply.

"Thank you."

"For what, Than?" Looking up he met those golden eyes that always managed to look at him so adoringly.

"Your patience." His voice was so quiet, so shy, Zagreus had to push up and kiss him. When he pulled back he tucked a piece of silver hair behind Thanatos's ear and smiled.

"You deserve nothing less, Than." Zagreus kissed him again and more than content, snuggled back into that cool chest, for once, very much ready for a nap. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've put a lot of myself in this. I have a partner who has bumbled their way through this moment many times over. I am grateful for them always. To anyone out there who needs to hear this, I know it's hard to feel lonely, but there are people out there who won't just put up with you, but who will find all your little quirks endearing, don't stop looking for them.


End file.
